Oh, You're Such A Horse's Teeth!

That is actually not a saying that means anything in any language at all. Not that anyone would doubt you if you said that it was. It seems that everyone has forgotten all about horses’ teeth.

The list of American sayings that no one uses anymore, or even remembers, is already long enough. Then there are the English to consider, and in their typical obscurantist style their version of our language is full of sayings that even most of them never understood in the first place. I’m easier to confuse than most people on subjects like this. I didn’t understand the joke, “what’s black and white and read all over?” until I was thirty-five. (To be fair, it's easier when it is in print.) 

The other day I saw someone on a show or something say, “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth,” and hilarity ensued when no one present had a clue what that actually meant. I didn’t think much of it, because, well, you can’t, can you? Care, I mean? Our entire culture is being replaced by emojis, so what’s the point of resistance? Today I watched a YouTube video about old English sayings that confuse the hell out of other English speakers, and one comedian said to another, “oh, you can’t fool me, we’re both too long in the tooth for that.” These are related events.

Both sayings are obscure these days because we no longer all live cheek by jowl with horses like we did until fairly recently. I’m absolutely positive that a hundred years ago anyone that you asked on the street could tell you that a horse’s teeth continue to grow for the entire life of the horse. That is, in fact, how you tell the age of a horse, by looking at his teeth.

Someone looks a gift horse in the mouth when they receive something free and immediately begin to find fault with it. The idea being, just take it and be grateful, you moron, the price was right.

And I myself am getting a bit long in the tooth by now, having been born during Harry Truman’s first term in office, the part that he served after the almost unexpected death of FDR. 

I’m pretty sure that there is little to no value in knowing these things these days anyway, so I’m okay with them passing from the scene. I do wish that more people remembered actual facts about our history though, and especially our recent history. Knowledge like that can come in handy, like on election day.

So that’s it then, Bob’s your uncle! And I’m off to spend a penny.