Friday, March 26, 2010

Speaking Dog

It is my advised opinion that dogs understand human speech. Bear with me here.

We can all agree that dogs, smart dogs, can learn the meaning of many human words. An American dog can learn to sit upon hearing the command, “sit!” A German dog may even respond appropriately, because the command sounds similar to the German, “setz!” A Thai dog will not sit unless you say, “nang!” They are hearing these words and responding accordingly, but it goes further than that.

Dogs understand tone of voice as well as anybody. Any dog in the world will respond favorably to a pleasantly intonated, “good boy! Who’s a good boy! Who’s a good big boy!” By the same token, any aggressive dog in the world will respond cautiously to a furiously spoken, “gaaahh! I will fucking kill you! I will eat you for lunch! I will kill your whole fucking family!” Especially if the verbal information is accompanied by a puffing out of the chest, extension of the arms, hands and fingers, and a sincere charge in the dog’s direction, as though one were hungry and the dog were food.

Thai dogs are an interesting case in point. There are millions of them, they seem to have the run of the country. Thailand is a Buddhist culture, live and let live, accept and respect life where you find it. Thais, most Thais, will move to kill a mosquito that is biting them, but you will often observe that they immediately apologize for ending the mosquito’s life, placing their hands together and saying a silent prayer. Dogs they just leave alone by and large, or even feed them, the unattached, free roaming urban dogs, that is.

Thai dogs are a source of danger, Thailand is still a rabies country, get bit and get your shots as soon as possible if you know what’s good for you. People die all the time, although I’m pretty sure that the risk is reducing year by year, the government is taking steps, usually in the form of poison. It’s not really a problem though, because Thai dogs will generally leave you alone, maybe more alone than you are used to. They tend to ignore humans in a manner so complete that you may well imagine that you have become invisible. They live in their own little universe, which I call the Dogroverse.

The exception is mating season, dog mating season. It makes the dogs behave, well, like dogs. This can be quite a shock for Americans. American dogs are almost all fixed, which is a remarkable euphemism, as though something had been wrong with them. Giant, grey-bearded puppies, waiting for an handout. Thai dogs are almost all as nature intended them, so the mating season is a frantic orgy of competition and genetic transmission. The male dogs can become a little unhinged by the excitement of it all.

Even then, though, they respond to the content of human speech very well. A seemingly intrusive hominid may be treated to a toothful, snarling display, snapped at, and perhaps even bit if he’s not careful. But the male dog, even in the fullness of his chemical mania, will understand full well the properly phrased injunction, “back off! Or I’ll crack your jaw in two and crash out half of your teeth!” The dog may respond initially with confusion, in the form of a hasty retreat, followed by a kind of all-right-already look.

I have even on occasion reminded aggressive dogs that I was a Christian. We are a bloody people and it is a wise dog who learns to avoid making us angry.

Dogs have good memories too. A dog that has been so chastised, and understood the instruction, will never again advance closer than fifteen feet to the man or woman who has properly delivered the lesson. Unless, that is, the teacher is now speaking in loving tones and gently holding out a chicken bone.

It is also possible for humans to understand dog communications, but interpretation in this direction is often clouded by human emotion. A puppy who licks the face of a gentle human is universally hailed as a loving animal, when all the puppy is doing is requesting that we throw up his dinner.

Still with me? Well here’s the punch line. This kind of doggerel is occupying my mind these days in a desperate attempt to avoid the reality I see in America. Please God! Grant me frivolity! All it took was a Black president to put a substantial part of the United States over the edge. I mean, we were leaning, it was getting pretty bad, but Obama’s election made lots of people actually, certifiably insane. I mean, there’s an actual percentage of Americans who think Obama is the Anti-Christ! The fucking Anti-Christ! Not to mention: he’s like Hitler, he’s doing things that Hitler did; he should be impeached (no grounds offered); he’s a socialist, or a communist, or a fascist; he’s a One-Worlder; he was not born in America. Post racial my ass. Evidently, in most people’s minds it’s still 1850.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Viral Hitler Videos Make It Big Time

There must be fifty You Tube vid's based on this Hitler movie clip, and I like a lot of them, but after the abysmal behavior of our own American congress this week I have to love this version. Of course, it helps that I hate the Republicans, you don't need to remind me.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

So, This Is Your Idea Of Fun?

I know I promised you fun, but what I happened to write first is just another slice of the horror that is modern life. Sorry.

The new camera is suffering teething problems, probably related mostly to the Asian so-called software on my lap-top. It's all coming into focus, but slowly. So, fabulously entertaining vid's are still out there in the future somewhere.

Something to look forward to!

Real Problems

Lots of talk these days about terrible, terrible problems. Big Government! Deficits! Same-Sex Marriage! The Income Tax! SOCIAL Security! Abortion! Immigration! The problematic natures of none of these things are even worth refuting. There are, however, some real problems facing American society in this vomitous horror known as “The Twenty-First Century,” to wit:

The Unitary Executive

You can Google this one to discover what a huge, unwieldy thing the Presidency has become since the start of World War II. All of the vast national security apparatuses that have grown up to protect America are part of the executive, the Presidency, after all.

Sixty something straight years of emergency powers, the Nazis, the Japanese, the Soviets, not to mention the War On Drugs, and now Al Qaida and the Taliban. Where will it end? It will end, won’t it? When it does, hopefully there will be one or two people remaining alive who remember what “normal” was like.

Corporate Personhood

Corporations are artificial entities which by definition have agendas that are hostile to anyone and anything that exists beyond their own well defined four corners. As such, they should be handled with the same extreme care that should be exercised with plague infested blankets, loaded firearms, or poisonous reptiles.

Instead, corporations have achieved the status of persons, with the same rights and privileges as you and me under our own, United States of America, still-respected-around-the-world constitution. This result is counter-intuitive, morally reprehensible, and stupid.

And now they can even donate unlimited sums of money to political election campaigns. What fun!

Inadequate, Inappropriate Taxation

Many Americans laughed at Social Democrat inspired European levels of taxations, evincing that vaguely superior “we prefer freedom” posture that is so popular in our own era. They did this without recognizing that in return for paying those taxes, those European taxpayers got free, no-questions-asked, high quality medical care, a fail-safe safety net, generous vacations, and lavish retirement benefits. As a result, European workers had standards of living, peace of mind, and life results that in America were reserved for the way prosperous.

In America, our “Freedom” program is to tax the lower ranges of the income spectrum to pay not only for their own meager benefits, but also for the lion’s share of the sixteen aircraft carriers and the several ongoing, more or less permanent wars.

Plus, I don’t know about you, but I find it offensive that a system could exist under which all of the descendents, for all time, of one person who became accidentally, fabulously wealthy, should be able to enjoy the benefits of that money, i.e., the money that was stolen so long ago from the working people.

Pay-To-Play Politics

This one should be self explanatory! Meg Whitman is running about even with Jerry Brown in the polls for California governor, although she has invested sixty or more millions of her own dollars so far, and Jerry has spent almost nothing. What’s wrong with this picture? Don’t even get me started about Carly Fiorina (sic, if applicable, I have better things to remember than the spelling of this failure’s name).

It’s not only the millionaires, paying their own ways to power. It’s the regular guys and girls who take the various monies to enable themselves to get elected and then vote accordingly.


My official position on religion is that I respect the various religions of the world, although I do not chose to practice any. This position is somewhat disingenuous on my part, suffice it to say.


The majority of the America people hold reasonable beliefs on almost all of the debatable issues of our society. They do this quietly, with great discretion, choosing not to go demonstrably forth and proclaim their beliefs to the world.

For this reason, the slightly retarded minority of Americans who shout their idiotic beliefs from any available rooftop get all the play. This is a shame.

The Almost Universal Inability To Separate Fantasy From Reality

Guilty! Let’s get that out of the way right off.

Help me out here . . . what am I forgetting?

What's All This Then?

The new spam, probably, but entertaining. Stuff like, "Thanks for helping me with my homework, I am fondly devoted to this topic . . ."

I don't mind at all, really, these international numbskulls mining me for data of some kind. Techno-Dorks in the Ukraine need new cell phones too.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Almost April Fool's Day

My own favorite April Fool's hoax was the time Jonathan Brandmeyer borrowed one of the prop heads from the movie "Eight Heads in a Duffle Bag" and played a cruel trick on an Indian cab driver in Chicago.

There's a big list of good ones at The Museum of Hoaxes.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Vacation Winding Down

Another couple of days and I will be back to my "real life" and so-called normal posting will resume . . .

With some new excitement! I have a new vid-cam, a Flip, simple enough even for me, so look for video enhancement in the near future.

Thanks for reading, and for your patience.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Way Cool Website Alert!!!

We Are Respectable Negroes is a great little website. It's an intellectual challenge, and you can dance to it.

Los Angeles Traffic

People complain, but I have always found the traffic in LA to be very orderly, more disciplined and cooperative than anyplace else that I have been. Yesterday, a Saturday, I came north on the Five and the Four-Oh-Five between San Diego and Santa Monica, and the freeway was like a parade, like a drill team, like a Blue Angels flying exhibition. The roadway was packed, all lanes full, every car about four car-lengths behind the one in front, everyone doing the same seventy miles-per-hour. Almost no brake lights, and no lane changing for perceived advantage. It was beautiful.

Only one complaint, in the form of a question: Is it fabulously difficult to keep a giant SUV in one lane, or do people who cannot keep a vehicle in only one lane tend to buy SUV's?

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Alamogordo Journal

(Also see my comment to the post, below.)

Alamogorgo is the income disparity capitol of America! There's a big retirement community, and they mostly live in the "good" part of town, where the homes are big ranch style places with elaborate desert fronts and expensive cars in the driveways. Right up the hill are Cloudcroft and Rydoso, which are vacation places for rich Texans (nice and cool all Summer, lots of golf and a horse track).

Then there's the Working Class neighborhoods in the "flats," and lots of poor Whites and Hispanics. Everybody seems to get along ok, property crime is high but there's not much violent crime. (Except between people who know each other, some people shouldn't drink! Plus the domestic violence associated with poverty.)

So, with all of the prosperous geezers around it's a good place to find medical care and decent restaurants.

Interestingly, the entire giant valley is 4,800 feet above sea level, so things can get a little breathless.

Monday, March 1, 2010