Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Kelleyanne Elizabeth Conway, I Salute You

Without a ounce of sarcasm, I wish to take a moment to sing the praises of Kelleyanne Conway. In a Washington D.C. where real talent seems to have dried up worse than a newspaper left too long under some kitchen linoleum, Ms. Conway shines like a beacon in that ocean of dim non-entities.

It’s true that I am not the person that you would expect to be praising Kelleyanne. May I call her Kelleyanne? I’m pretty sure that it’s okay. The woman obviously has a thick skin on her. (Whoa! Easy now! That was not a wisecrack about her appearance. I think that her appearance is fine.) In addition to doing her job with the Trump administration, she must laugh off a daily barrage of vicious ad hominem attacks directed at her by news people, entertainers, and so-called pundits (a class that is mostly self-appointed these days). The woman has more patience than a room full of saints. I can tell you that just that puppet of Kelleyanne that Jimmy Kimmel uses on his show would put me over the top. She takes it all with good cheer, though, and do you know why? Because she knows that she’s doing a great job, and laughing it all off is part of her job.

That she is a member of the Trump team makes her stand out in even bolder relief. Trump reminds me of something that I heard about management back in my warehouse days: first-class managers hire first-class people; second-class managers hire third-class people. Trump, let’s face it, is a third-class manager, and who knows why they hire anybody? Trump generally hires people based only on their willingness and ability to flatter him mercilessly and take his abuse without killing him. Oh, and on their willingness to break the law, that’s also important. Don’t be sending The Donald memos about what he can’t do, or whom he can’t sue. And yet, there is Kelleyanne, a qualified and talented professional, thriving in her series of important jobs with Trump for what, how long now? Almost three years? At least two years. That’s some kind of record with Trump’s employees.

Do I even need to mention that the rest of the Trump crew seem to be a bunch of morons? His lawyers; his doctors. I’m going to stop now, because anything further would be cruel. It’s not nice to mock the mentally handicapped.

I know, I know, everything that Kelleyanne says is all spin. Many people would say “all lies,” but she’s so great at the job that she usually manages to avoid saying things that are technically not true. I think that the woman is a genius, and I don’t throw that term around. Think about it. He job is to make Donald Trump’s actions sound reasonable, and to make Donald Trump sound as much as possible like a normal, reasonable, and ethical man, you know, like a real POTUS. It is a fucking impossible job, and yet, for ages now, she has managed not only to do it, but also to make it look easy! She effortlessly bats away everyone’s hostile questions and comments, without ever appearing to be stumped or even requiring any time to prepare an answer.

In our new idiocrasy, where the entire class of public intellectuals has either died off or been marginalized, Kelleyanne alone carries the flag as a brilliant extemporaneous wordsmith. I’d hate to see her at the other podium in a courtroom, that’s for sure.

Kelleyanne Elizabeth Conway was born in Atco, New Jersey and raised by a team of women in Waterford Township. (Her mother, her grandmother, and two spinster aunts.) She was always a high-achiever. She graduated from Trinity College with a magna cum laude BA in Political Science, with an appointment to Phi Beta Kappa to boot. She followed that up with a JD with honors from the George Washington University School of Law. Those are good degrees.

Even though she is probably the brains of the outfit, she seems content with the side-kick role. She does not appear to be gathering personal power to herself, and she seems innocent of any desire to personally take over the world. I’m very relieved about that, because I’m pretty sure that she could do it if she wanted to.

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