New
Federal crimes have been sprouting like mushrooms after heavy spring
rains since the Reagan days. Some days it seems like they have
criminalized everything already, but then comes a heavy shower,
followed by a sunny day, and oooops! There's a big new mushroom!
Kirstjen
Nielsen is a high Trump official who is still game to deliver
whatever stupid talking points Stephen Miller came up with this
morning. Ms. Nielsen is currently our United States Secretary of
Homeland Security, although she does have that look in her eye, like
she is scanning for exits. She's an old shoe wearing too much polish,
if I may be cruel for a moment. I have no idea how she got the job,
but I'm sure that it would make interesting reading.
She
was ordered to walk point the other day in the administration's daily
patrol into enemy territory, which is to say, out the front door of
the White House. Alone at the front of the column on a barely visible
trail, surrounded by ambushes, land-mines, and booby-traps, her task
was to defend our Fearless Leader's policy of family separation at
the border.
She
earnestly made her point, which was this: (I paraphrase) . . . to say
that the policy is inhumane “completely disrespects” the public
officials carrying out the policy.
I
smell a new Federal crime! Mushroom alert!
Her
phrasing of the issue sounds suspiciously like the formula for lese
majeste. That would be the crime, still enforced in many countries
around the world, of disrespecting the monarch. Lese majeste laws may
define the monarchy very broadly, often including the country's
military and police forces and even public officials, because they
all serve at the will of the king. In our current criminal law
environment, declaring it a crime to disrespect public officials
would fit right in. Congress would love it, not least because it
would offer them some protection from the worst of the obloquy being
directed at them. This president would sign it, because he already
thinks of himself as a king.
Write
it up! Book 'em, Dano!
This
could be an ironic legacy for Ms. Nielsen, who does, to her credit,
seem to be tiring of this charade. She was one of several
administration officials who were driven out of public eating
establishments last week. That can't be comfortable. (Although for a
very visible Trump stooge to appear in a busy upscale Mexican
restaurant in Washington DC cannot be seen as a good idea these
days.) Maybe she has realized that she could be damaging the entire
Scandinavian brand, which took most of the last thousand years to
rebuild after all of that unpleasantness with the Vikings.
The
new laws will be masked in fine sounding language, as usual. They
will be billed as, “the Decorum and Collegiality Laws,” or some
such. Thank God that Trump doesn't read Spin Easy Time! He would
love the extra firepower to use against dissent and the press. It
could become the law by the end of the summer! Please, whatever you
do, don't show him this blog post.
