I wish that all of this had never happened. I didn't ask for any of it.
If only "never had been born" were one of the choices.
I'm amazed at this point that I didn't kill myself as a teenager. I had been miserable already for a long time, and things were only getting worse.
Nineteen would have been the perfect age! 1968. Who could blame anyone for pulling the plug in 1968? What a horrible year for everyone. Some more than others.
No one would even have noticed then. I had no responsibilities. Everyone that I knew would have been better off without me. It would have made the barest ripple in the pool of life in 1968.
Everything that has happened since then, and before then to be honest, has amounted to nothing. All of that wasted effort! I could have saved myself the trouble. Life, living, remaining alive, makes its own demands. Who cares what we think? What we go through? Nothing cares. Keep pushing forward, asshole! You owe us for every breath that you take.
All it would have taken was a couple of yards of clothesline, a doorknob, and five minutes. How fucking hard would that have been? And then, peace. But no. I hated myself so much that I knew that I needed more punishment.
How much can one man stand?
No comments:
Post a Comment