Thursday, August 24, 2017

The Van Winkle Routine

Help me out here. I must have been dreaming. I’m pretty sure that when I went to sleep Donald Trump was considered by most Americans to be a rich-kid asshole with poor grammar; bad taste; multiple behavior problems; bad dresser; business failure; weird hair; no manners; borderline con-man; comedy TV actor staring in a show about a rich-kid asshole. Now I wake up and YOU EXPECT ME TO FUCKING BELIEVE THAT DONALD TRUMP IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?

And that’s the United States of America? Are you sure that you don't mean the United States of Bum-Fuckistan or something? And you’re sticking with that story? Is anybody buying it?

This is the same failed casino boss Donald Trump who has been lurking around the leaders and gutters of the haunted mansion that is American culture for the last forty years? Do you mean that asshole? What happened, they had an election and nobody signed up?

Do you mean the same guy that Jimmy Breslin called “Between You and I” Trump? Breslin knew how to treat the object of a preposition, not like some people.

If this turns out to be true, I am going to be very disappointed in the American electorate. Wouldn’t be the first time, I guess. But it might be the worst.

Now I know how Rip Van Winkle felt. 

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