Friday, October 2, 2020

Alert The Media: Trump Has The Virus

 First someone told me on Line. They got it from CNN on their phone. I returned to the bunker and checked CNN, “yes,” with a statement from Trump's doctor. Not fully trusting CNN, I checked the newspaper-of-record (the failing New York Times, for your information), and they confirmed it. Trump is infected with the Sars-CoV-2 virus, aka, COVID-19.

First . . . is it true? Did he really catch it? After that “debate” the other night, I think we are in general agreement that no dirty trick at all would be beyond the man. Trump has a total absence of impulse control; he has no filters, and no scruples. His nature is to consider only his own best interests and to lie even when it is not necessary. “I have an idea!” says Trump. “We tell them that I've got the COVID! I cough a few times and smile at people, look brave. I do a little press conference wearing casual clothes and a mask. Tell them that my temperature is 99 or something for a few days. Then, poof! Like Harry Potter, Trump is fine again! I kick COVID's ass!” Growing up in New York did not make me a trusting soul. I'll believe it when he's dead.

If it is true that he has the disease, the mathematics would become extremely complex very quickly. Where are the good outcomes here? Are there any? If it really lays him out, you know, hospital time, a ventilator, pulmonary symptoms, blood clots, the works, and he narrowly survives, does he get a sympathy vote? At least if it nails him hard people might get the message that this thing is real, and terrible. His fans might even start wearing masks. That would be helpful.

If, however, he gets a mild dose, hangs around the house for a while and then starts playing golf again, America loses, big time. “The China virus couldn't stop me!” he'll say. “I've got great genes!” That would play right into his, “no big deal! It's just a flu!” narrative. A mild case would get 100,000 people killed, because all of the Trump fans would flout the precautions even worse than they do now.

What happens if he dies? Pence becomes the president immediately, and I don't think there's time for the Republicans to replace him on the November ticket. I bet that Pence's first private moment would be spent on his knees thanking Sweet Baby Jesus in the Manger that he didn't have to debate that horrible colored woman Kamala Harris! (Sarcasm alert!) 

If Trump dies, I would venture to guess that his brand would die with him. Especially now that we all know he's broke. Billionaire my ass! It would be fun to watch the rest of them scatter like cheap tents in a hurricane. I trust Melania to take care of herself and Barron. I'm sure that she has a nice nest-egg tucked away in several untraceable places, and plenty of connections waiting to be of service. She'll come down on her feet. But what about the other Trump children? Other than a future of federal and state criminal prosecutions, I mean.

Let's speculate. How are the chances that Don Jr. goes to rehab? He's been looking pekid. That might keep the wolves at bay for a while and generate some good will. His girlfriend will dump him immediately, which may also make him a sympathetic figure. Expect many photos of him smiling and his own children pretending to know who he is.

I figure the entire family has been laying the groundwork for scapegoating Eric all along. They'll paint him as the mastermind and try to pin it all on him. He might even be flattered by his sudden importance. “Eric, we need you to take one for the team.” Eric is as close as you get to a sympathetic character in this family drama. That fact alone is quite sad.

Tiffany and her mom return to California, and obscurity. Isn't Tiffany a lawyer now? She'll have to work, because it doesn't look like there'll be a lot of cash after the dust settles. (Dust = multiple bankruptcies and law suits.) She can get married and work under her married name.

Ivana Marie? (I refuse to call these rich kids by their nicknames, like Mitt, or Jeb.) Ivana Marie could start going by Yael Kushner, which is one of her legal names. “I've met them, of course (referring to her family), but I don't know them very well.” She has another financial house of cards to run to.

We could expect some world-class, middle-European snark from the namesake Ivana, who calls herself, “the first wife.” And a book, of course. Non disclosure agreements die with the intended beneficiary.

Is it a sin to wish someone dead? Here is my quandary: on one hand, it will be a horrible tragedy if Trump has a mild dose of COVID and lives. That undeserved experience of good luck would lead to many tens of thousands of unnecessary deaths, as credulous, ignorant Trump fans go with the “hoax” thing and get themselves killed. So I'm pretty sure that the country and the world are better off if Trump dies.

On the other hand, it probably is wrong to wish someone dead. Probably? Usually? Technically, “always” is the most likely philosophical result. But we can dream, can't we?

Let's leave it at this: my hopes and prayers are with the huge number of lives that will be saved if something happens to shock the Trump fans out of their failure to avoid dying of COVID-19. Yeah, let's leave it at that.

Cue the dancers! Jazz hands, everybody!

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